Not Sure

I'm not sure when the fuck, or how the hell I'm ever going to get over this.

Now I'm stuck at home in a damn self quarantine until X days have passed.  Sitting in the same spaces where I sat, still sit, grieving the loss of my father and Jamie. 

Nothing can ever help.

Not texting friends 

Reading self help books.

Making up projects.

Lexapro

Because they're gone.  Because Jamie was taken from me, taken from us.  The most precious of all men, the most handsome of all those brothers, my best friend.

How the living hell am I supposed to go on without him.

Hell I don't even know how to buy groceries without buying for him. How am I supposed to keep breathing.