Easier

It would have been easier to have just died. Because I don't like living this way. Without Jamie. A week and a half after he died I thought i would kill myself. I had about ten minutes to get my pistol to a trusted friend before I thought I would end it. All these days later, I don't fear dieing. I fear living. I fear that I will spend the rest of my life dragging through it like this, without Jamie. That this is it. This is why I fought to live that day? To live like this? Fuck no. Who needs this shit. Why did I save myself for this misery?