Suggestion

I understand why marriages fail. When the loss of a child makes a marriage fail. I understand. The grief alone is one thing, but the grief of missing the part of you that lived is almost unbearable. Alone I can cry, sometimes I can distract myself. But with my husband, the absence is deafening in it's silence. Weekends at his house can seem especially so for me. Friday was my day to be with him, to pick him up, to spend lunch or the afternoon with him. Fridays was my time, when his big brother would wake him and remind him I was there, ask if he wanted to go to his mom's or stay with me. Fridays was my time when we would sleep in and then walk to his parents. Sometimes, usually, he would choose to stay with me. If his big sister was there he would have trouble deciding though. So we would tell him that he could spend the morning with her and we would meet for lunch and spend the afternoon with me. Those days are gone. Those mornings are gone. I keep his bedroom door open at my house but I don't go in. My husband keeps his bedroom door closed at his house. Both are equally as painful. On Friday mornings at his house I can't seem to shake it, the absence and the grief. Some days I just leave the house with a list of made up errands to run. Anything to get out of the house. Things I don't need from stores, groceries I don't have to buy, gas my car doesn't need. Anything to shower and be gone. I feel like for my husband the same thing happens nonstop, since they lived together. The same thing happens on the 4 hours he's driving to and from my house on roads he ever only drove with his sidekick and companion by his side. Where do we go from here?