Hate

I hate this, I really do. This life is so sucky. Thinking of him, I should be thinking of fun things to come. Not thinking of his grave site. I should be thinking of the way Jamie holds my hand, not that he doesn't hold my hand. I should be thinking about putting up the five foot tall Santa that I bought just for him, instead of what the hell do I do with it now that he's gone. I should be planning a trip to take him to see Santa. Instead of crying every time I see Santa or hear holiday music. I'm so effing miserable. I miss him so much.