Magic Days

There is no easy way out. No magic to fix the pain. Days 366 doesn't promise relief. Trintellix helps, two different therapists a week helps, and sometimes just breaking down and crying helps. A dear friend gave me a book on grief that is well written, and I treat it sort like a kid's chapter book, reading one chapter at a time. The therapist also likes Alan Wolfelt and does writing exercises out of it. After our last appointment when I completely broke down she suggested I see someone in the psych field who specializes in medicines. I kind of think the problem comes when I stare too long into my grief. The grief stares back and I'm the first one to look away. His birthday came just two weeks ago. Quite possibly the second worst Friday of my life. But worst, worse, bad and horrible have become subject terms. "Are you allright?" Are you? Are any of us? The anniversary of Daddy's death comes in two weeks. Three weeks later is the anniversary of Jamie's death. I know the dreading of those days is worse than the doing - the dreading leading up to his birthday was - well, it was. The day came, and it was sad, and there was no happiness in the day. The dreading, though, I'm sure that made it worse. So now I have a month more of dread to face. There is no magic in the days, and no magic on day 366.