Rascal Flats

I made the mistake last night of watching a Rascal Flats video. The grief burst was uncontrollable. I couldn't walk away from it. The way they zap all my strength, leave me tired, feeling alone and lonely. The way I ended up on Stevie's bed crying into his pillow. Clutching it. The way I talk to myself. The despair. "I can't live like this." During those times I wish I'd had the strength to end my life that day. That one time I thought I was strong enough to do it, and I gave in and took my pistol to a trusted friend. The grief bursts are dangerous. Powerful. I don't like the life I live without him. I hate it.