Sitting With My Uncomfortableness continues

I've spent the weekend and last several days trying to "be mindful and aware" and to face my uncomfortableness. It led me to looking again at the quick succession of grief that my husband and I faced. His father, after a long illness and an accident, died in October of 2019. So we were just a few months into that change of our daily lives when my father died on March 15. For my job and I guess the whole world, that was the start of this new Great Pandemic. My job, I was working that day, I got the call at 3pm that Daddy had died and at six pm I had a text that the agency had closed to the public and employees would come the next morning to do something. That closure lasted five weeks, which was well past the April 8 day when our boy died. A part of me that is rational understands I was late to the party, that both Eddie and my brother and I were late to the adulthood stage where parents leave you. We have many friends who had already lost their parents. But that doesn't change our loss. It's understandable, it was even at some point to be expected even if that was not the day we expected it. But our brothers loss was way too much, too far, too cutting and too deep. All that grief rolling one into the next and into the next for my husband and I. I think that I was navigating well enough trying to support my husband in his grief for his father when my father died. The Great Pandemic was throwing us off but we would have survived my father's grief. But our little brother, our little boy, dieing was just too much. Out of the lessons of this latest iteration of therapy, I am trying to talk with my husband. Trying to be mindful. Trying to share with him the things I have been hiding. It's uncomfortable, which I guess is why the therapist uses that word. But it's do-able. Much like my two previous therapists tried to tell me, it doesn't really CHANGE it - talking with him isn't harming him. I already wasn't hiding it, I could tell myself that I was protecting him. I wasn't. He knew my pain. He saw my pain. If I tell him, then at least we can face it together. It was the better choice and the two previous therapists tried hard to make me understand it. That's how we're doing today.