The Problem

The problem, in my opinion, as I've discovered, is that every iteration of therapy does a version of one thing - teaching you how to manage yourself while living in your grief. That's the problem you see, your original problem still exists. My boy is still dead. So weeks and weeks and literal years at this point of therapy have only given me managing tools for how to conduct myself or manage myself or manage my pain. They can't possibly change my problem. How does one do this with the idea that today wasn't enough? Yesterday wasn't plenty. The weeks that turned into the past years just wasn't enough. I have to live like this, without him, for literal years if I manage to be healthy enough to live. How does one reconcile it with the idea that I would rather be dead than live a ridiculous long life without him. I pushed the thoughts of suicide aside. It took a while. I'm quite over it though. I'm over it.